“How long have we sat here and done absolutely nothing?”, I wondered aloud.
“Not long enough.”, Luke sighed back in reply–dropping wisdom and truth in only a few words; the way only he can.
2019 has been welcomed with visits, celebrations, extra blankets in the guest room, an unfolded extra cot set-up in the living room, piles of extra laundry, and extra double shots of espresso. What a blessing it’s been to be able to host family in our little home on The Rock. Multiple times over shared salsa, wine, and laughs over horribly lost card games, I looked over at Luke across our living room and teared up. Our little life we’ve built together brings me a new level of joy . Having our home full with loved ones-all with full bellies and happy hearts-was truly incredible. I told my mom I feel like maybe we felt a very small glimpse of what she must feel when she has my sisters and me home for the holidays.
Among all of the hosting and celebrating, Luke and I have both hit the ground running heading into busy season for both of our industries. It’s been a whirlwind; as I’m sure most of us are experiencing in this first week of the new year.
A couple of weeks ago, I had an appointment cancel that I had been looking forward to for awhile. Outfit carefully planned and set out early, date in all 3 calendars circled, day off secured, I was ready. Upon getting the text calling for a rain-check, I was devastated. The appointment was a big step towards one of my heart’s wildest dreams. Although I of course knew how much I was eagerly anticipating it, I was jarred when I was so saddened by its postponed date. I felt like a Disney Princess in the ever so classic moment: throwing her arms around a pillow and sobbing into it. GIRL. Get. It. Together.
Instead of going to the appointment, Luke and I had a surprise day off together. We sat with our lattes, both of us in full troll doll morning mode (I apologize in advance to all future Pfleiderer children…your mommy and daddy take the cake for troll doll doppelgangers when it comes to morning hair. You’ll grow into it. Sort of.)
This personal dream of mine is something I feel overwhelmingly at peace about. I know it was placed in me for a reason. I feel a holy stillness thinking about it; picturing it happening. Yet sometimes, the urgency to bring it to fruition captures any and all progress of it actually happening. It leaves me anxious rather than at rest. Feeling this dauntlessness encapsulates my heart with comparison, unworthiness, fear, and completely rips away my joy in the now. Anyone else with me in this?
I prayed through the quiet as we sat in our beach chairs on our little balcony; still patio furniture-less. (It’s a work in progress…just like we all are. Give it some grace and time, y’all. 😉 ) I silently prayed the same prayer I pray when I can’t quite find the words: “Help me Jesus. Help me Jesus. Help me Jesus.”
A few minutes later, my impatient heart still desperately reaching, a pod of dolphins popped up way out in the bay beyond the mangroves. After 8 months of living in the same place, our typical view of the iguanas flirting and chasing one another in the sea salted water completely changed; our sleepiness quickly jostled away. Alrighty, Lord. I see you. You got me.
Reach. Stretch. Reflect. Grow. Rinse. Repeat. Again. And again. Work towards the life you want in every way. But don’t forget: the rest is just as important. The rest is an essential part of this recipe. Let yourself be still. You’ll never get to where you want to be without first fully embracing and truly seeing where you are now. Breathe. Sit down. Sit in the set-backs. Sit in the questions. In the writer’s block. In all of the endless whys.
Maybe you’ll receive an answer to one of those endless whys. Maybe your anxious heart will finally slow. Maybe your inner critic will embrace the stillness too and stop hurling rushed agendas at you. Maybe you’ll find the peace and confidence to finally face the conversation.
Maybe you’ll see a pod of dolphins in an otherwise predictable sea of iguanas and pelicans.
Happy 2019, Team.
Big Hugs & Unexpected Pods of Dolphins,
Featured Image & Incredible Source of Encouragement/Mentorship: Kelly Howell with Love Letters Co.