never sad.

Tiny onesie by tiny onesie, I packed away his newborn clothes last week.⠀
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I always imagined this milestone to be one of those Hallmark commercial type of moments, where I weep and weep, clutching each little still sweet smelling piece of clothing to my chest. But I didn’t.⠀
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As I tucked each piece away, my heart physically ached with thankfulness.⠀
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Thankful that we got to bring him home in that chicken onesie. Thankful that we got to see his first smile in that blue baby bear onesie. Thankful that we got to sleepily see his blue eyes sparkle, wide awake at 3 a.m., in that sea-foam green onesie.⠀
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I’m not sad. I’m nostalgic. I’m indescribably thankful. But I’m not sad. He’s here. He’s growing. And the more he grows out of each stage of clothing in the seeming blink of an eye, the more we get to learn from him. The more we get to see what makes him laugh. What brings wonder to those eyes. What toy he likes to slobber on most. As he leaves the newborn stage, he enters a new one. And so do we.⠀
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As my birthday creeps up next week, I feel the same way. Ever since I got sick three years ago, I’ve never greeted aging with sadness. Instead, with gratitude and amazement. Life is fleeting. Life is precious. After miscarrying, this amazement at the miracle of life has grown tenfold.⠀
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I may not clutch those onesies with gobs of sad tears, but I’ll look back on those first moments with grateful nostalgia, while looking forward to the ones to come with eagerness. I’m so thankful I will get to watch him crawl one day. Watch him walk. Watch him giggle as his first ice cream cone melts around pudgy toddler hands. Watch him skip down the steps with a much-too-big-backpack. Watch him shyly smirk at the mention of his first crush. Watch him light up with amazement when traveling to a new place. Watch him venture toward the life he wants to live. ⠀
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The more time that passes, means the more time I’ve been blessed to know this little man. I’ll always be sappy (always a bit too sappy…get ready, James 😅♥️) when greeting a new chapter, knowing the last is over. But I’ll never be sad. 🤍