national rainbow baby day 2020.

Last night we sleepily sat with this little fella in between the two of us, squealing, babbling and smiling, hours past his bedtime. Luke peered over him and whispered to me, “We’ve waited a long time for nights like this.” ♥️⠀
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Yesterday was National Rainbow Baby Day. Our rainbow baby boy is 2 months old ( + 1 week…we are new parents y’all. Grace 😅🥰).⠀
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Our angel twins are not physically present with us, but I’m continuously amazed by how their spirits show up again & again. I was stubborn in believing it when my grief was so fresh, but what everyone says is so true: those you lose will always be a part of you. From the very beginning, they’ve been ever present in James’ life.

Last fall, late at night with exhausted & shocked eyes, we found out we were pregnant with James the same day shared Milo & Mila’s story with the world. When we toured homes, I had a vision of them joyously riding tricycles through a wide open kitchen—making the painstaking decision making process of picking our home suddenly crystal clear. The stars my dad named after them are present in the Gemini constellation—Gemini being what James ended up being due to a week early c-section.⠀
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The day James was born, when was I out of the fog enough to think clearly, Luke noticed a rainbow in the Orlando sky. It disappeared shortly after it appeared, just like Milo. About an hour and a half later, another rainbow appeared then disappeared—just like Mila, leaving us a week and a half after Milo. Of all the ways they show up, my favorite way is in James’ character. Goofy and loud, already seemingly mischievous, his temperament constantly reminds me of a younger sibling. Quite a bit like my middle sister Haley. 💛In his giggles and in the sparks in his eyes, I see the twins with him.⠀
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To those still waiting on their rainbows, there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think of you. You are remembered & seen. Whatever, or whoever, your rainbow ends up to be, I don’t know when it’ll come. But I know that it will come. And when it does, your loss(es) will journey alongside you. Showing up in the most unexpected yet most needed of ways. Sending you endless hugs and prayers. Forever & always. ♥️