Today is International Pregnancy & Infant Loss Rememberance Day. We will light candles for our angel babies Milo & Mila. If you love someone who has lost a baby, I encourage you to light a candle to honor their baby tonight. It’s difficult to talk about. There’s no fixing it. It’s uncomfortable. I know. I know. I know. But if you’re uncomfortable regarding your loved one’s lost miracle, think about how they must feel. Maybe you’ve never acknowledged their loss before. Today is the day to start.⠀

If you love someone who has recently experienced such a loss, here are some helpful things to know.⠀

1.) Don’t give into the “at least” temptation. “At least you got pregnant!” “At least it wasn’t late in the pregnancy.” “At least you’re young.” These are silence fillers, and they do nothing but bring pain. The most helpful conversations I had brought a lot of silence. It gave me space to cry, ramble, or say nothing at all. I’ll never forget desperately trying to explain away the discomfort and my sister said to me, “Kel. It’s ok if you just want to cry. We can do that” And we did. And it helped more than any words could’ve.⠀

2.) Don’t ignore & don’t assume. Don’t fail to acknowledge the loss. Don’t assume they don’t want to talk about it. Don’t assume they do. Don’t assume they want space. If you’re unsure how to help, at least acknowledge the loss & offer your support. But goodness gracious. Do. Not. Ignore. ⠀

3.) Light a candle with them today. And moving forward, when you think of them, let them know. Recently, my mother in law sent us a video of a plant. Two buds appeared shortly after we miscarried. Now, there are 3. She named them Milo, Mila & James. This “small” sentiment means e v e r y t h i n g to me. I don’t have just one baby. I have three. One on earth, two in heaven. Acknowledging this reality, and loving them & remembering them with me brings such comfort. ⠀

On this day, help loss parents by honoring them and their children. Because the only “at least” that should exist surrounding pregnancy and infant loss is: “At least I’m not carrying this grief alone.” 🤍

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