The entire pregnancy, I held onto the 4th of July like a child holds onto the countdown to Christmas. With James being due in June, I knew by the 4th, no matter when he came, we would all be together; rejoicing and healing at home. Whenever I feared losing him, I would repeatedly envision the 4th of July—blissfully holding our miracle man in one arm with a glorious glass of red sangria in the other. 🍹Marveling at his life alongside family & friends with the smells of a nearby grill dancing among us.

Much like the last few months, the 4th doesn’t look like we thought it would during all those daydreams. The squeals of pool cannon balls, the hugs and baby hogging debates of loved ones, the anxiety as Papa proudly brought out a far too large box of fireworks; all those things won’t be present this year. It’s just us 4 snuggled up & cozy at home. But what do we have in lieu of those missed traditions?

Luke and I have had 3 months together to anticipate Little Man’s arrival—preparing our hearts and home together. We’ve helped one another plan out progress in our individual dreams and goals. We’ve strengthened our bond even further. We’ve cooked some darn good new recipes together. We’ve watched some darn good (and some darn questionable 🐯🤴) shows and movies. With a quieted world, we’ve been able to get louder in our foundations as individuals, as a marital unit, and as parents.

One day, the 4th will look more like the daydream we had during our pregnancy journey. Papa’s laugh will boom even louder than the fireworks he lights up. The sounds in the pool will have new pitter patters of excited baby hands splashing along. The debates of who gets to snuggle the baby next will be sweet—because we will all be together again.

As Luke prepares to go back to work in just a few days, the yearning in my heart to press pause has me realizing more than ever: this time was far from what we envisioned, but it was exactly what we needed. Work will resume, family vacations will return, the world will get brighter, all in good time. But for now, pressing pause right here in this spot is just fine by me. ❣️🤍Happy + Safe 4th to All! 🎇May your hearts and sangria glasses be full!

Leave a Reply